Walk Through Fire

If you go through a tragedy or trial as a married couple, one of two things are going to happen to your relationship:  it will become stronger, or it will become weaker.  I've at least never heard of an example of a relationship that stayed exactly the same after something serious or life-threatening.  I certainly don't advocate looking for trouble, but if you are together long enough, it usually comes up somewhere along the way.  I also can't claim that I've gone through one of the worst things that could happen, like the death of a spouse or losing a child.

Early in our marriage, Darrell had Hodgkin's lymphoma.  If you get cancer, it's one of the ones you'd want to pick if you could, one that has a very high cure rate.  But, it was a really tough year for two early twenty-somethings just starting out and living states away from family.  We were lucky to have some good friends for support, my mom who was willing to drop everything a few times to come help out, and good jobs with good medical benefits. 

But there were times I was afraid I'd lose him, and become a widow at 23.  For several weeks, we knew he had cancer, but not what kind or stage.  I watched him lose 50 pounds, lose most of his hair, sweat through the sheets and covers several times a night, get chemo that would make him sick for days, get a lung disease that the doctors couldn't even identify but that made them stop chemo for long enough for us to worry about that, too...  And so much more.  I'm glad we didn't have kids yet, but at the same time doctors were telling us that there was a very good chance he'd be sterile after treatment if he wasn't already due to being sick.

It was a horrible year.  And yet, it was a blessing.  I think it taught us both that we could be strong for each other.  We knew that if we could survive that, we could survive anything as a couple.  We've been through a few other difficult times since then, but I think they were somehow easier.  We've been blessed so much since then.  We have two beautiful children.  We have a love that grows stronger every year.  We have a great home.  We have all we need and so much more.