I'm not sure it's very popular to have a conscience based on strong principles anymore. I've always been a rule-follower. I liked the structure of school and excelled at it. I was a good test-taker. But early on it was a matter of following the rules mostly just for the sake of not standing out and doing what I was supposed to do. As I got older though, I developed a sense of what was right and wrong, and applied my love of structure to trying hard to uphold the principles I'd developed.
One of those that we instill the most in our two children is honesty. Both kids know that they will get in a lot more trouble for lying about something than for coming to us and admitting that they did something wrong. I've been very encouraged to hear stories from their teachers about how each of them has confessed to something even at school. I'm fairly sure I wouldn't have done the same at their age. My mother will freely tell you that I was a very good kid growing up, but on the rare occasions I did break the rules, I don't think I told teachers or my parents. My kids each have their own faults, but I like that they do better at this than I did, and I hope and pray that they are developing their own good consciences.
I believe there are some things you just shouldn't do. I also believe that just about everyone can be forgiven, if they want forgiveness. It helps a lot in marriage to adhere to some basic principles. Here are just a few of mine.
Don't cheat, ever. I'll admit that I completely don't understand the concept of an open marriage, and I'm glad that I don't. I think the best idea is to not even put yourself in the position to be tempted to cheat. As I mentioned, I've learned these principles over time, so I have messed up on this one exactly twice (but never in my marriage to Darrell). In high school I once held hands with another boy while dating someone else. And I asked Darrell to kiss me (and of course he complied) before breaking up with my boyfriend back home. That's it, probably doesn't even sound very juicy to most of you. But I'm still not proud of either, and vowed never to let anything like that happen again. And that is probably one of the best things about our marriage. I'm careful about the way I even hug any other man. Darrell is probably even more careful in the presence of other women. We trust each other completely.
No name calling. It's ok to argue, but it's not ok to call each other names or be completely disrespectful while arguing. Darrell used to resort to name-calling from time to time early in our marriage. And I would sometimes throw names right back at him, or just completely lose respect for him in that moment and show it. I finally learned to instead just let him know that it was completely unacceptable to call me names. It took me a while to learn how to handle that, and for him to learn how to change. But, thankfully, that hasn't happened in a long, long time.
Decide that whatever the problem, you can work it through together.
And, perhaps most importantly, pray about your marriage often.
What are some of the principles most important to your marriage?
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