Most of my senior year of high school was fairly miserable. I was ready to just get out of there and head to college. But that spring, I met a guy so cute I didn't think he'd possibly be interested in me. One of my best friends was dating one of his best friends, and my cousin was dating another of his best friends. And so, they introduced us. He was about the cutest boy I'd ever seen. Yes, from outside looks only, I fell much faster for him than I did Darrell. He was a year younger (my habit of dating younger boys didn't start with Darrell), but he drove a cool car (even if it was his dad's). We went on our first date just two weeks before my senior prom. I was supposed to go to prom with a boy I'd already dated and broken up with earlier in the school year, but I weaseled my way out of that to go with my new guy instead.
We had a great summer. He was a great guy. He'd only ever had one girlfriend before me, and I vowed not to break his heart like she did. Towards the end of the summer, he was afraid I'd head off to college and find someone else while he was still finishing high school. I did. I met Darrell. And I'm honestly just not sure whether I would have stayed with my boyfriend from back home if I hadn't met Darrell, or if I would have found someone else instead anyway. But, the boyfriend back home is the only other guy I know I really loved. I think I would have been happy with him if I hadn't met Darrell. In fact, it took me considerable time and heartache to decide who I should really be with.
Obviously, I ended up choosing Darrell. But that other guy? I heard he only recently got married. I was told that I did break his heart, and that it took him a long time to even date again. I still to this day feel bad for that. He's an awesome guy, and I hope he is making some woman really happy. I hope he gets the chance to be a dad, because I know he'd make a good one.
I'm connected to a few ex-boyfriends on Facebook, and that's ok. They're the ones I still wish well and they are great guys, too. But wouldn't have a problem seeing and talking to them, just being friendly if I ever ran into them. The guy I dated just before Darrell is different. He's the one I should never talk to again. And that's why I've never actively tried to find anything out about him, and won't. Yes, I've heard a few things, but not by reaching out or asking anyone. And luckily, he moved away from my hometown, so there's not much chance of running into him when I visit my parents either.
He's the one who might have been the one if I hadn't met Darrell, you know? My guess is that I'm not the only one who has a guy like that in her past. The one I should avoid because it would bring up old feelings, strong emotions. The one I haven't even written about in a lot of years.
I try to not even read those romance novels about middle aged women who end up with their high school sweetheart. And there are a lot of those books out there!
What surprises me sometimes are the things like this that I avoid, that others don't seem to. If you know what your temptations are, why not avoid them? I love Darrell with all of my heart and soul. Our love is way beyond anything I had with this other guy, but I still know that it would be dangerous to ever see him or be friends with him again. And my marriage to Darrell is way too important to even risk it.
That makes sense, right? I hope it does, and if it helps someone else understand that, all the better.
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