If my count is right, I have four first cousins who have passed away. The reasons are varied, but I can only imagine that the loss and grief they leave behind for their mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, etc. is much the same. I think it hurts the most when death is out of order - when the child dies before the parent. And for each of my four cousins, this was the case.
Of those four, I'm probably the least close to my cousin, Toby, who died earlier this week. There are (were) at least 18 cousins on my dad's side of the family. Granny (my grandmother on my dad's side) helped get us together growing up, but then we all grew up, moved away, and then she passed away about eleven years ago. Being the older daughter of the youngest son, I was always grouped with the younger cousins when we got together. Toby and his sisters (children of the oldest son) were all several years older than I, and so, they were always in the older cousin group. Two of my dad's brothers married two sisters. Understandably, those "double cousins" were always closer, too.
I didn't get to know Toby as well as I would have liked, in hindsight. I don't think my kids have ever met him. Darrell probably only met him at our wedding and at Granny's funeral. It would be a long trip in for his funeral. So, I'm not going, but I will be thinking about everyone and praying for them.
And, yes, I've been hugging my kids just a little tighter all week.
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