I know a lady who has been through more than most can imagine. Her mom left her off and on with my grandparents, until she started living there permanently. Eventually my grandparents adopted her. I was very young then. She is six years older than I.
What I remember is a really cool young aunt (I didn't even call her aunt when I was little) who I got to see most weekends when my sister and I, and sometimes our cousin, would stay all night with my grandparents many Friday nights. She had a cool bedroom with older kid stuff (or so it seemed to me). I remember looking through her yearbooks in awe of her and her classmates. I remember a few times when a boyfriend would even stop by to visit her, one was in a baseball uniform (how cool is that!).
I was in awe of her growing up. She was the closest thing to a big sister I've ever had.
But I also remember lots of arguments between her and my grandmother. To this day, I'm not sure what all of it was about. There were hints of issues, but I was still pretty young. It hurt me to see them fighting, but I didn't know why, and these are the kinds of things my family doesn't discuss much, to this day.
And then she was gone. She left home. I didn't see her again for a few years. I didn't know why, really. But it seemed like it was right when I would have liked to ask her advice on growing up and on boys. I missed her like crazy, but I didn't tell anyone that.
I think I saw her a few times in between, but eventually, she moved back to the area, with a little girl! But she had another, younger daughter she didn't get to bring with her, whose father pushed to get custody of, kind of behind her back. I guess that daughter blames her for leaving to this day, but what would you do if your older daughter needed extra care and heart surgeries, and you wanted family nearby to help out? What if you thought you could get that younger daughter back once you were settled, but it never worked out that way? What if the younger daughter's father had rich parents, who could afford to pay good lawyers to quickly get your custody taken away?
I was glad she was back, and soon she remarried and had a son, too. But by the time she moved back, I was grown and about to get married, then soon moved away myself. I wasn't as close to her as I might have been.
I've never even met her younger daughter, although family always said she resembled me, and I did see pictures as she grew. She's a mother herself now.
I got to watch the older daughter grow, and picture what it might be like to have my own daughter someday. But, she passed away, much, much too young, at only about 10 years old. How do you survive losing a child? I have no idea. I wasn't even a mother yet myself then, and I had no idea how to offer any comfort to my aunt. I wish I could have.
Just a few years later, I had my own daughter, and every year after 10 years old, it hits me that I've already gotten to spend that much more time with my daughter than my aunt did. It doesn't seem right, but it does make me cherish time with my kids more than I might otherwise.
Somehow, my aunt pulled her life back together yet again. She divorced a man that didn't treat her right. She got through a court case against her that was completely unfounded. She got a decent house with a decent man who saw her through the death of her daughter. She raised her son. She got a better job. She went back to college.
And then, her own health problems got worse and worse. I'll skip the details, because, again, I don't even know all of them. But a few years ago, it came to this. She needed a liver transplant, or she would die. A year and a half ago, it nearly came to that, but she pulled through what I don't think most could. She went home from the hospital, only to end up back there every few months. But she fought for her life, and won again and again, miraculously.
One hospital took her off of their transplant list, and it took a long time to get on another and get moved to the top of their list. I'm sure I can't count the number of prayers that have gone up for her. And God answered. He always does, of course, but not always the way we want or in ways we can understand. This time, she got that liver. Just yesterday in fact.
She still needs our prayers. But my hope and prayer is that, this time, she will be given the chance at the kind of life she deserves. I want her to have the chance, the time, to reconcile with her younger daughter, to see her son get married and pull his own life together. I want her to get to know how much I love her, because I'm sure I've never said it right. I want her to get to spend time with all the family and friends who have been pulling for her for so long. I want us all to see that miracles really do happen, and I want us to see it in her.
I love you, Aunt Cindy. Stay strong!
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