Can you name something that you've spent half of your life on? I doubt that many of us could name much. I haven't yet been a mother half of my life, nor have I spent half of my life yet on my career. But, at 42, I've spent half of my life married.
I joke that I'm going to start saying that I got married at age 10, and that being from West Virginia, maybe folks will believe me. But in truth, I'm proud to have made it this far in marriage. Darrell and I have been through everything except childhood together. We're both far from perfect. We've had our ups and downs. There have been days, or maybe even months, when I wasn't sure we'd make it this far. There are days when I fear again that our marriage will not make it until the end. But, every day, I know that our marriage is worth fighting for, and I don't intend to ever give up.
I told a friend recently that God's timing amazes me. It's certainly no secret that we recently moved, and that since the move was from the place our roots ran the deepest as adults, it was (still is) a major upheaval in our lives. Darrell and I were going through one of those downturns in our marriage about a year ago. It wasn't anything that would rip us apart, and really neither of us were doing anything you could call wrong. But we weren't as connected or close as we usually are. If he had suggested at that point that we move, I might very well have told him to go ahead and move on his own. But that's not when it happened. Luckily, or maybe by God's divine plan all along, the potential of a move didn't even come up until about six months later. By that time, we were through the rough patch. Was it still tough? Of course, but we were back to being a strong, united team, and so it was much easier than it could have been otherwise.
Most days, I can't believe I'm old enough to be married 21 years in just a few days. Most days, I wonder how I ever got to be twice that age anyway. I remember walking down that aisle, being sure that I was marrying the right man. I remember the times I've wanted to hold Darrell tight and never let him go, looking in his eyes sometimes being amazed that we have all that we do together. I remember the times I've wanted to strangle him. And yes, sometimes the two extremes can happen in the same day.
I hear of strong marriages breaking every day. I don't want that to happen to us. I hope we're doing all that we can to stay together. And yet I still wonder if that's true.
It gives me hope to see my own parents holding hands more these days, to see them snuggle together on the couch. I hope that's us in 21 more years. I hope we can watch our grandchildren, together, someday.
I hope I'll be able to let you know how it turns out in another 21 years...
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