Why I don't have an iPhone (and don't plan to get one)

I know, sorry, I've been a little light on the marriage advice lately.

But I hear so many people saying things like, "I finally got an iPhone," and I always wonder, did they even consider the alternatives?  I'm a techie.  I like to do my own research and find the best product for me.  I'm not saying the iPhone isn't the best product for a lot of people.  I just think that sometimes it's not, and they just get it by default.  So, this is just my personal view after using a LOT of smartphones and a lot of technology and consumer electronics products in general.

And, before you dismiss me as an Apple-hater, you should know that I have an iPad and mostly love it (I'll tell you the one feature it's missing later), my kids each have an iPod Touch, and I'd probably have a Macbook if it weren't so much more expensive than other laptops.

It also surprises me that folks talk about the iPhone as if it were the first ever smartphone.  I agree that it is the product that made smartphones mainstream, but Windows Mobile, Palm OS, and yes, even Blackberries introduced us to the smartphone space, not iPhones.  I loved my two Windows Mobile phones.  I could install apps on those as well.  I could sync e-mail and files between my phone and computer.  I could check e-mail on the go and play games on my phone.  Was it as seamless and smooth as it is today?  No.  But that's what happens with technology - it gets better over time.  And what about the Palm Pilots and Pocket PC's that came before?  You can't tell me that my Dell Axiom wasn't cool to carry along with my tiny cell phone back in the day.

Do you know the difference between capacitive and resistive touchscreens?  Today, most of us would just say that resistive touchscreens are the old kind that doesn't work well, but five years ago I would have told you I liked that better.  You almost had to use a stylus to get resistive touchscreens to respond, but I have long fingernails that basically give me built-in styli.  And I absolutely hated typing in our iTunes password constantly for my daughter on her tiny iPod Touch capacitive touchscreen - I had to use my fingertips, and no matter how hard I tried, I'd hit incorrect keys.  So frustrating!  With my long nails or stylus, I could much more easily tap out letters and numbers on the resistive touchscreen on my Windows Mobile phone.

Fast-forward to 2010.  I was running a small business, with consumer electronics clients as a major focus, and definitely needed to upgrade to one of the newer generation of smartphones.  What were the choices?  Windows Mobile was very out of date, they were waiting too long to launch the new Windows Phone OS.  The iPhone was already entrenched as "the smartphone".  But the Android OS really intrigued me.  And capacitive touchscreens were really the only choice by then.  I decided on a Samsung Galaxy S (the Epic 4G from Sprint) over the HTC EVO for one very simple reason - I thought that if I had to go with a capacitive touchscreen, I would need the slide-out keyboard for any heavy text entry.  I was wrong.

What, in my opinion, is the single biggest thing that Apple mobile products are missing?  Keyboard options, especially Swype!  Instead of having to peck at individual letters and numbers, I can start my finger or thumb at the first letter of a word and slide along each letter, briefly raise my finger and start on the next word.  Not everyone likes Swype, but I love it.  It has honestly revolutionized mobile text entry in my opinion.  And it comes on every Android phone.  I wish I had it on my iPad (yes, that's the missing feature I'd love to have).  And if you don't like Swype, there are several other awesome free keyboards to choose from.

Well, ok, you say.  That's just one little thing (although it's actually huge to me).  My iPhone is better than your phone in every other way.  I mean, I have Siri for goodness sake!  I've tried Siri.  It's ok.  I have S Voice in my Samsung Galaxy S3.  It's also just ok.  I really don't like talking to my phone much, but when I do, I tend to use Vlingo (a voice recognition app you can get for just about any smartphone OS) or Dragon Dictation by Nuance (built into my Swype Beta keyboard).  I like my phone talking back to me even less.  It may be a smartphone, but I still believe I'm a lot smarter than it is, and I'd rather talk to another person than my phone.  But that's just me.  Some people might love it.

What about the screen?  You tell me:

I'd rather have the bigger screen that yes, still fits comfortably in my hand during phone conversations, which I do still use my smartphone for.  All of the rumors are that the iPhone 5 will have a bigger screen, just a bit smaller than my Galaxy S3.  I hope so, because my opinion is that you will never want to go back to a sub-4 inch smartphone screen.

Swype and phone screen size are the two biggies, the things I just wouldn't trade.  But, yes, my Samsung Galaxy S3 has some other cool features that I've grown to like, a lot.  I can add memory and replace my battery.  When my iPhone toting friends need to get to a charger, I pop in my spare battery (yes, I always carry an extra in my very small purse just in case).  While you spend at least $100 on more built-in storage, I can spend less than $20 on a 32gb micro SD card.  My new phone has NFC (near field communication) in that removable battery as well.  I can buy these fairly inexpensive ($15 for five of them) little stickers that I touch my phone to, and easily program with neat settings.  For instance, when I climb into bed at night, I have one that tells my phone to silence the ringer, set my alarm, and text my hubby goodnight.  And I can use NFC to pay for things with my phone while out and about, although I admit that I haven't tried that yet, and sometimes it worries me that my phone may be starting to be able to do a little TOO MUCH for me.

"But, I have more apps!" you say.  Apple didn't invent apps, but they shortened the name from "applications" and made us all need them.  And yes, you have a bigger selection that I do.  But I'm not just tied to Apple's Appstore.  I've got Google Play, the Amazon Appstore (that offers a different free app every day), Samsung Apps, several others, and if all else fails, I can easily side-load other apps that I find.  There have been a few times that my friends are playing a neat new game on their iPhone sooner than it's available for Android, but I've never had to wait long before it was available somewhere for Android as well.

"But, my iPhone plays music!"  Um, yeah, my phone does, too.  And, yes, I can sync it to my iTunes account wirelessly and easily, too.  And I can copy mp3 files directly to my micro SD card.

"But my iPhone takes awesome pictures!"  Yes, my smartphone, beginning with that Galaxy S Epic 4G, has also replaced my point and shoot camera.  I'd happily compare my pictures to yours.  I know people who take better pictures because they are more skillful than I am, but other than that I don't see iPhone pictures that are just better quality.

"But my iPhone has 4G!"  No, it doesn't.  Not yet, and that's not what your "4" or "4S" stand for.  At least not LTE.  Hopefully with the iPhone 5.  And no, I'm not really any better off.  My phone has 4G LTE, but only Verizon offers LTE in my market, and I'm not with Verizon.  But, 4G LTE is pretty awesome, and I hope it comes to my market soon.

"But I don't have to worry about my iPhone getting updated to the latest OS!"  Yes, the Android OS is fragmented.  There are a lot of manufacturers making Android phones.  To me, that means a lot of choices.  And yes, not everyone gets the latest Android version at the same time.  But it's never hurt me personally, because I tend to update my phone every year when I can, every two years if I absolutely have to wait for the contract to come up.  And I buy a recent release phone, so it gets the next OS update.

"But, my iPhone, iPad, and computer all have my synced calendar and e-mails!"  Yes, so do Gmail and Google Calendar.  Even many corporations are switching over to it.  And even while I was using Outlook on my computer because I liked the user interface better, I found a little program that would sync it to Google Calendar for me.  When there is something I want to do or sync between my phone and computer, I have yet to not be able to find a way to do it online or in an Android forum.  I honestly have more trouble getting my iPad to behave and do some of the weird things that I want.  Android is just a more open system.  People find work-arounds for me.  Sure, I could jailbreak Apple products, but I don't want to.  Remember, I'm also a rule-follower who doesn't want to void her warranty.

So, there you go. There's some other cool things, too, but I don't want to beat you to death with the greatness of my phone.  And I honestly believe the iPhone is pretty great, too.  Just do your own research first, that's all I ask.

So you want to know what I believe...

I don't remember living through a more politically-charged time, so if you want to know my beliefs, here goes a brief summary.  For more details, I'd be happy to sit down and have a polite, non-name calling, in-person discussion with anyone.

I'm a Christian.  I don't often say it.  I'm busy trying to live it.  And I don't always succeed.

I believe in the right to bear arms, but not automatic and semi-automatic weapons or explosives.  I also optimistically believe that we’d stand up for each other if the need arose, not point intruders towards our unarmed neighbors the way I’ve seen Facebook pictures imply.

I believe in a global economy.  I also believe in supporting US products and jobs.  And yes, somehow I think we’ll find a balance between the two that will work.  At least I hope so.

I like that we helped the auto industry.  I wish we’d let more banks fail.  It didn’t take an advanced economics degree to see years ago that the loans being handed out were not going to work.

I didn’t go to that now infamous chicken restaurant on Wednesday.  I didn’t feel like that was a statement I needed to make.  I also don’t plan to boycott them.  I’m still not sure they crossed a line for me personally, and even if they did, I’m not naïve enough to think that I agree with the beliefs and actions of every place that gets my money.  Actually, I’m quite sure that I don’t.

I believe the Bible defined marriage.  I also know that God allowed some marriages that should make any of us cringe a lot more than LBGT marriage should.  I think we all deserve equal rights, but I personally don’t think the government should be deciding marriage for us anyway.  I could fully support government-sanctioned civil unions, and yes, that means I’d be willing to get one myself for my 20-year marriage.

I don’t believe that Obama has single-handedly destroyed our country.  I think it’s been a lot more gradual than that.  I don’t think his opinions have “evolved”; I think he’s just being political.  I think his healthcare reform is far from perfect, but it amazes me that Mitt Romney criticizes it so much when Romney’s plan for Massachusetts was used as the basis for Obamacare.  I think Romney should release his tax records, all of them that are requested.  All the waffling Romney has done scares me.  I don’t think either his wife or Michelle Obama should be criticized for how much their clothing or choice of activities cost.  I think both sides just look for things to support what they want to believe.  I think we all do that, and yes, that includes me.  I don’t want to vote for either of them.  I wish our system gave us more choices.  I wish we had better choices.  But that doesn’t mean I won’t vote.  Not voting means giving up, and I won’t do that.

I think congress is a mess.  Maybe we could all vote on their benefits for a while?  Maybe they could take some classes on writing 101 so that bills aren’t so long that no normal person would ever read them (including several of them)?  Maybe they could stand up for what their constituents believe in for a while rather than relying on lobbyists and their political party to tell them how to think?

I think CEO’s and corporate board members generally think too much of themselves.  They are normal people, just like you and me.  They aren’t even any better educated than many of us.  I respect the ones who created their companies a lot more, but most of them did not.  Why do we allow them to be paid so much?  Why aren’t their pay and benefits based on the long-term success of the company rather than the current year or even quarter?

And, yes, if I see you being bullied or treated unfairly, I will take up for you.  But I also think you should know something that we all have to learn at some point - life is not fair.

Twenty years and counting...

I like statistics.  To me, numbers have a way of making sense that people (myself included) never seem to.  Numbers geek that I am, I know that I have an average of 37 visitors to this blog, but I also know that it's counting me, my mom, and a few good friends who have the patience to read the ones that don't even interest them very much.  It also seems to be dropping off over time - like anything else, interest wanes and you get busy doing other things - I get that.  I think it's good for me regardless, so on I go.

And yes, this post is going to have a lot of numbers, so hang on tight!  The middle of this month marks 20 years of marriage for Darrell and I, and by the end of the month, he'll be 41 years old along with me.  It got me to wondering where we fit in with the general US population, and thanks to the Census Bureau and various reports on their data, I learned a few things.

First I speculated that divorce rates go down as length of marriage increases, and ta-da, I found the nifty chart above to support my hypothesis!  The cumulative percent divorced essentially flattens after 30 years of marriage, and it's also a lot less steep after 15 to 20 years.  Does that mean I'm safe and can lean back and take my marriage for granted now?  No way!  It has been hard work at times along the way, and while my marriage has generally gotten easier over the years, I don't expect it to ever not take hard work to keep it going strong.

Darrell and I got married at a young age compared to just about anyone else I know, except my parents.  I was 21 (21.4 if you want to compare to the numbers quoted below) and he was 20 (but it would round to 21.0 if you want to compare).  Sure enough, I found a table with the estimated median age of first marriages for men and women by year, with data from 1890 through 2011.  I will spare you the entire chart, but in the year we were married, 1992, the average median age at first marriage for women was 24.4 and men was 26.5.  In 1956, we would have been pretty average (20.1 for women; 22.5 for men), but in 2011, we would have been even more weird than we were (26.5 for women; 28.7 for men).  If you didn't notice, the trend is for couples in the US to get married at older and older ages.

I also wondered what the overall probability of a first marriage lasting 20 years is (I know it sounds absurd to you that anyone would wonder about probabilities, but seriously, I do).  And I found it:  52% for women and 56% for men among 15 to 44-year-olds who married at age 24 or younger.

Suffice it to say that we've made it to a place that many couples do not, and I'm proud of that.  I'm not sure the things I write in this blog help others, but I know that it helps me, and maybe someday some of what I've learned about marriage in the past 20 years will help my children, too.  I certainly hope so.

Everybody has issues...

My body makes cysts.  I had a cyst in my left ear removed when I was three.  I've had tubal cysts and breast cysts (in addition to other benign lumps).  I had cystic acne from my teens through my thirties.  When most women find a lump in their breast, they worry about the possibilities of breast cancer.  The good thing is that I've really never worried about that, but only because it always turns out to be a benign lump or cyst for me.  Still not fun, but very much not life-threatening.

By far the worst of all this was the acne.  You see, I didn't have the kind that was from not washing my face well, being too harsh when I washed, eating the wrong foods, or any of that.  It didn't matter what I did or tried - it just wouldn't go away.  I visited the dermatologist regularly.  I used just about every kind of medication that they try for it, including daily antibiotics and Accutane.  Sometimes it would get better for a while, but I have the scars to prove that it just kept coming back.  Other kids probably thought I just wasn't taking good enough care of my skin, and yes, a few mean ones even made fun of me for it.  And I didn't have the kind of acne that just looks bad - it sometimes really hurt and the ones that were more like cysts were deep and could last for months at a time.  I'll spare you the details, but it was quite frankly pretty awful.  I was the girl in school who used makeup and hairstyles to cover up, not to even try to be in style or beautiful.  Concealer, foundation, and bangs were my dear friends, and I didn't leave home without them.

I was already shy before any of this started, but I can assure you that it magnified that and squelched any confidence I might have had as a teenager.  I had a few really good friends in high school, but mostly I hated the whole experience.  I somehow managed to have several boyfriends.  I was lucky enough to look pretty good in other ways - not too heavy and not too thin, average height, blonde hair, green eyes - and I was intelligent.  Of course, I was also the only person I know of to graduate with a GPA over 3.9 (out of 4) who didn't get invited into National Honor Society, but that just made me hope that everyone noticed the highest honors sash without the NHS patch at high school graduation.  And except on my bad days, that seemed like a fair enough trade.

Until recently, my body always healed well, too.  My eyes healed TOO quickly when I had PRK (like Lasik) vision correction surgery.  And I get pregnant easily, even with a husband that who had a 50% chance of being sterile by the time we tried.  I'm proof that the pill works well for years (with all the caveats about taking it correctly and using something else when on an antibiotic, of course).  This may also sound strange, but I think all of these are somehow related.  My body makes cells well, and at least so far, noncancerous ones.  Sometimes they are totally useless cells that make up cysts, but still. 

So now, years later, I feel lucky to have had horrible acne.  Despite it, I look younger than my age.  I have two of the most perfect (to me) children I could have ever imagined.  I have a husband who loves my inner beauty at least as much as what's on the inside, and I don't doubt that he always will.  I'm healthy enough to run regularly.  It doesn't hurt that it has finally, after 40, the acne has almost gone away.  It wasn't much better in my 20s the way everyone said it would be.  But it also seemed like I gradually got over it first, and then it really started going away.  And sometimes I wonder if that was the point.  I still get the occasional pimple and probably always will, but that is so much easier to deal with than breakouts all over my face.  And it taught me a lot.  How to overcome a trial - it sounds kind of trivial now, looking back, but for years I thought this really was the "thorn in my flesh" to deal with and learn to overcome.  Now, I can do things I was scared to death to do in my teens and 20s.  And it made later things easier to deal with, I think.  Like when my second child stretched my belly button beyond recognition and gave me stretch marks.  I made the best of what I had and since I didn't wear bikinis before kids, it didn't really hurt my wardrobe choices either.

I'm convinced that everyone has something they are insecure about, and for women at least, it usually has something to do with our bodies.  I feel like it took me years, but that I've let it go.  I couldn't have written about this five years ago, and to talk about it probably would have made me cry (if not in front of you, at least by myself later).  I think letting it go has made my life richer, including my marriage.  I don't want to imply that I have it all together now or that I think I look spectacular, but I'm finally confident in my own skin, and that's a great feeling.

And I think you can have that, too.  If you don't already, I hope you have great relationships (with God, family, and friends) that can get you there.

Create special memories in the midst of the every day routine

It can be so easy to get caught up in the mundaneness of every day.  One kid needs to be at soccer practice and the other needs to be picked up from band practice at the same time.  That means the parents divide and conquer for the third time (or more) that week.  We eat dinner in shifts.  We pass each other with a quick reminder about who needs to be where when.  And if a late meeting or other last-minute issue comes up, it gets even worse.  I'm sure Darrell and I aren't the only ones this happens to.  Some weeks it seems like we just do what we have to do to get through the week.

And that's ok sometimes, but I don't think it's ok if this is your married life each and every week, year after year.  Sometimes we've had to make decisions about letting our kids participate in fewer activities.  I've had to drop out of book club.  Darrell doesn't get to work on the RV as much as he'd like.  There are times that the house has gone longer than it should without a good cleaning and the grass is a little longer than our neighbors would prefer.  But, sometimes, catching a breath and doing something with all four of us together is much more important than anything else.  We reconnect by playing a board game, taking a drive, going out on our very cheap, very little boat, or maybe even just something as simple as watching a movie together.

I want our kids to be well-rounded.  We stress working hard in school.  I want them to get enough physical activity.  But I have no aspirations that either will make careers out of their extracurricular activities or head to the Olympics someday.  It will be even more important that they remember special times with us.

And it's also important for us to sometimes be alone without the kids.  One of the things I am most grateful for in my life is the long-standing marriage of my parents and Darrell's.  They've shown us that long marriages are possible, and can even be happy, even in this day of high divorce rates and young people putting off marriage for years in favor of just living together.  I want that legacy for my children, too.

Darrell and I get about a week a year alone, without the kids.  And I cherish it.  Sometimes we get to go someplace new.  A cruise around Hawaii for our 15th anniversary was spectacular, but the trip to WV to go whitewater rafting and on a train ride just last week was really nice, too.  Some of the time we are just home alone, getting a foreshadowing of what life will be like again in about 10 years.  We go out alone about once a month.  We often stay up late talking after the kids are in bed. 

Memories don't have to be from elaborate vacations (although I'd be one of the first to admit that every once in a while, it's really nice).  But they do need to be created, together.  Good luck creating yours!

Take a trip down memory lane...

Sometimes, to get where you want to go in life, it's a good idea to remember where you've already been.  Somebody much more famous than me probably already said that, and I tried to give them credit but couldn't find it on Google.  I think sometimes, we do a pretty good job at making goals for ourselves or our marriage, but feel like we aren't getting anywhere.  The day to day of work, raising kids, getting through illnesses, and just living life make us feel like we're on a hamster wheel and not getting anywhere.  Hamsters don't seem to mind, but we do.

But, if you take a look back and take stock of what you've accomplished in the last few years (and yes, once you hit 40 you may want to just look back at the last decade or two while you're at it), you may be surprised. 

If you asked me today if I've been making progress towards my goals for my life, for my marriage, for my relationship with God and with friends and others, I'd probably say no.  But, if I take a few more minutes to think about it and remember where I was five or ten years ago, I would have to admit that I am making progress, even if it's not always as fast as I'd like.  Sometimes it seems like there are setbacks in one area while I'm making progress in another, but I think that's human, too.  And it's ok.

I like to look back at old pictures and videos.  When it involves my kids, I may get misty eyed, but it gives me a chance to see their cute little faces again.  And believe me, after my teenager back-talks or rolls her eyes at me or my younger one whines for no good reason, I sometimes need to remember the younger versions of each of them to keep my cool.  I'm also the picture-taker of the family though, so unless I'm asking someone else to snap a shot, I'm not in a whole lot of pictures with my kids and hubby.  I do ask even random passers-by to help out and take a picture though more often than I used to, because I want the kids to see that I was there, too.  I want to be present in their lives.  Actually, that might even be one of my goals - to continue to be present in their lives even as they push me away more in the teenage years.

But it's part of the same thing - taking stock in where we've come from.  I think it's important.  Darrell and I just sit and talk sometimes about how we were when we were dating or early on in marriage.  There are things we miss about having lots of time just for us, but we've grown up a lot, too, so there are plenty of things we don't miss - things we used to argue about and struggle with, for instance. And looking back over what we've had over the years helps us look forward to a time when we'll live alone again.  I love my kids.  I'll help them out all I can, but I certainly plan to give them wings to fly on their own.

So, take a trip down memory lane with your spouse now and then, or even on your own.  I think you'll be glad you did.

Laugh a little!

Darrell and I are typically fairly serious, straight-laced people.  You know that rebellious, teenage phase?  Yeah, Darrell and I didn't have it.  The closest we got to breaking rules in school was not trying hard enough sometimes to keep people from copying off of us.  The worst offense I can think of against my parents is watching an R-rated movie and telling them I'd watched a PG movie instead when I was with my then-boyfriend and another couple who all wanted to see the R-rated movie.

I think a lot of people believe that if you're like us, you don't have much fun.  But believe it or not, we do.  We laugh, we hang out with friends, we love our kids unconditionally, etc.  We just do it without getting drunk, while being honest, and while keeping our morals intact.  Weird, I know.

So, sometimes I have to remind myself to not take things too seriously, and I guess it's probably the same for Darrell.  Luckily, we have each other to do that.

Darrell doesn't laugh a lot, but I love to hear it when he does.  And he knows how to make me laugh, saying things that most people might not even find funny.  We have inside jokes that I won't share here.  We think it's hilarious to kiss in front of our teenage daughter so that she goes running from the room, saying "Eeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!".  We have a similar sense of humor.

So, go ahead, laugh a little - at each other, with each other, whatever.  Just laugh!