Just be nice!

It's what I tell my kids, my husband, and often have to remind myself.  For me, I think being nice is even a little selfish.  I learned early on that people are nicer to you if you are first nice to them.  It works with your parents, with your teachers, and even in customer service jobs.  Being nice is reflective.

I had to learn another lesson, too.  That even though you should always strive to be nice and to follow the Golden Rule, you can't let yourself be trampled over either.  Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself.  Sometimes you have to insist on good treatment.  As with most things, it's a careful balance.

But, why is it the most difficult to be consistently nice to the ones we love the most?  I think my kids view home as a safe place.  They are good all day in school (or so the teachers tell me).  They are good when at friends' homes (or so other parents tell me).  Sometimes they are so good and nice while out and about, by the time they get home, they kind of melt down.  And I'm not sure we ever completely grow out of this.  Darrell is the one I vent to the most.  I am his sounding board also.  It helps that we've learned a few ground rules with each other.

My ground rule for him is, I don't want you to fix it, I just want you to listen and sympathise with me.  His ground rule for me is, I'm not mad at you, but I'm in a really bad mood right now, and this is why (so please excuse any outbursts for the next few hours is usually implied).

We all have to work at it sometimes.  Sometimes I try to think about something I can do, say, or get for Darrell or my kids that will make them happy.  Even just some small thing I can do to be nice.  Or I bite my tongue when I'm about to say something mean.  Maybe I try to put a little humor in it when I'm about to snap at my kids.  I recently told my son that I was down to my last nerve, he was jumping up and down on it, and it was about to snap.  I think he got the picture, but he also laughed.

And they do the same for me, sometimes without even realizing it.  Darrell buys me a small piece of furniture while he is out shopping for something completely different (and gets a great deal for only $30, I might add).  My son writes a paragraph at school about me being his hero.  My daughter tells me dinner is actually a lot better than it looks (I interpret everything she says through the lens of her being a teenager, thankfully).

I often don't understand why some people seem to just be in a bad mood and mean all of the time.  The world is a nicer place when you are nice.  The world is a happier place if you are happy, even if you have to work at it.  And that certainly applies to your home and marriage, too.