I think because we married so young, there are a lot of approaches to life that Darrell and I kind of stumbled into together. Don't get me wrong, we both thought we had everything planned, but two kids barely out of their teens know a lot less about life than they think they do. Our approach to managing our finances is a great example of this.
We were very lucky. We got married just before our senior year of college, and Darrell's parents gave us the balance of his college savings account to live on that year. My parents also gave us a few hundred dollars a month up until graduation, and then gave us the balance of my college savings account as well. I managed a part-time job tutoring up to ten hours a week, but Darrell carried more credit hours in engineering and spent more time on homework and projects than I had to, so he didn't have a job during college. We also received gifts of money and savings bonds as wedding gifts, which we were smart enough to put away and save long-term. We both had full-tuition scholarships, and I had another small scholarship that covered my books and some fees. Anyway, all of this gave us enough money to pay rent and utilities, buy food, fix what we had to in the mobile home we lived in, and even have a little spending money now and then. It also meant that we were able to graduate without any debt, and put down a small down payment on our first house. We didn't go on much of a honeymoon, but I wouldn't change a thing - If I had to do it over, if anything I would have married Darrell sooner - I still wouldn't wait until we graduated.
I'm not sure which of us I expected to manage our daily finances once we married. We'd each been managing our own small checking and savings accounts up until then, and decided we would combine our accounts. It's not like there was really all that much to combine anyway. We had discussed a lot before marriage, and knew each other quite well, but I really did not realize that those glances Darrell gave to his ATM receipts after withdrawing cash were his way of balancing his checking account. Apparently, his approach before we married was to call his dad when the balance ran low.
I guess that approach worked ok when his dad was managing his college savings fund. Darrell was fairly responsible and not just out spending the money on frivolous things (if you don't count the motorcycle he also talked his dad into buying for him). But, now we were managing what was left of that money. When you put it together with what my parents were giving us and what I earned tutoring, I knew it should get us through senior year and maybe even carry us through a few months of job-hunting after. But, if we weren't careful, there could be problems. And I certainly didn't feel comfortable balancing our accounts by ATM receipts! Had this crazy guy I'd just married never heard of banking errors???
I think I might have even worried that if I insisted on taking over managing our finances, it might cause an argument, but I don't think Darrell minded a bit. I remember it being a pretty simple discussion, and after that first month of seeing how he did it and watching him pay bills, I just started doing it instead. We've always had all combined accounts since then, and I've always managed the day-to-day finances. Darrell does seem more interested in our long-term retirement savings and 401K's, so he has taken to managing that. As for our regular checking and savings account, Darrell only thinks about it at all when I tell him our finances are tight or when he needs me to give him a check in the rare event he needs to write one. We have a certain dollar amount that each of us will spend without discussing it first (not including all of the recurring expenses like bills and groceries that I pay), but if either of us is considering a gift, something extra for the kids, or something for us that is higher, we discuss it first to make sure we both agree and that it fits in our budget.
I think we could both do better managing our money, but I also think we get a lot for what we do spend. We are both big on shopping sales, clearances, and garage/yard sales. When out shopping with us, our kids have known almost since they could talk that they were much more likely to get us to say yes to purchasing something for them on a great sale or clearance. It was even a little embarrassing when our daughter was small and would tell anyone anything, including random people in Target who she had to tell all about the little trinket she had in the cart with her that her mommy was buying for her because it had the orange sticker. Point is, we get good deals, but we are also both shoppers, so we should probably buy a lot less than we do.
I wouldn't say that either Darrell or I are qualified to give financial management advice, but we have found a system for managing our personal finances that works well for us, and that is important for any good marriage.
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