If I hadn't met your daddy or we didn't fall in love...
If your daddy had been sick just a little longer before they figured out what was wrong, or if they'd used a different drug combination to treat him...
If we hadn't moved from Michigan to North Carolina right when we did, giving me the excuse to finally try to get pregnant...
If something had gone wrong while I was pregnant with you...
If you hadn't finally come out after 22 hours of labor (the doctor was close to ordering a c-section, and you came out so blue that your daddy was very worried for a few minutes and I was wondering why they didn't immediately let me hold you)...
If you had been born with something genetically wrong that could take you from me too soon...
If you had been hit by a car one of the many times you tried, and one time successfully managed, to run out into the street...
If you had been seriously injured when you crawled under our closing garage door...
I am not a worrier in general. But I do worry about my children. What mother doesn't?
I spent too much time anticipating when you were little.
Watching for your first smile... your first step... your first word...
Preparing you for your first day of preschool... regular school... the world...
Being so happy/relieved/proud when you decided to be baptized...
Watching you finally find something to put your heart into with color guard...
Watching the way you gracefully handled moving away from friends and making new ones...
Seeing the hard work you put behind your "book smarts" in school...
Seeing your independence only grow, even when you started out so independent already...
I don't exactly want to go back. I just want more time with you. It just doesn't seem possible that you could be turning 16. I'd swear I just turned around to make dinner and straighten up the house, or some such things, with you looking much more like this:
I know I've messed up, and a lot, at this parenting thing. I'm sure I've given you plenty to complain about and swear you'll do differently when you are a mom someday. But know these things:
I love you, always.
You are my baby girl, forever.
I want the best for you, yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
I am your biggest fan, but I also will not lie to you.
You are beautiful, inside and out.
Happy sweet sixteen, dear daughter.
