Dear future Plainfield/Indy-area friends,
I don't want to stress you out or anything, but you have big shoes to fill. I'll limp into our relationship missing lots of folks that have become very dear to me. I'll miss the ladies who have provided not just friendships for me, but friendships for my children. I know that I'll maintain many of these dear relationships, but it won't be the same as knowing that I can put out a call to host myself and my children for dinner, and actually have people do it!
I'm not confident that you, as my future neighbor, will have a daughter that looks so much like my own that they could easily pass for sisters, and that go in and out of each other's houses almost as easily as their own.
And you, my other neighbor, I'm not so sure that you will switch off bus pick-up duty with me at a moment's notice. I'm not so sure you'll love having my children over often. I'm not so sure that I can text or call you anytime of the day, or just drop in for tea to talk about work/life/husbands, etc. And I know you won't immediately suggest that we make dinner for each other's families to save ourselves the hassle of cooking one night a week.
And you, the folks with kids my son's age down the street. I don't know how I'll feel about letting him ride his bike to your house. I mean, you don't even have my cell phone number yet, how can I trust you to text me as soon as he arrives and as soon as he leaves? Can I trust you to tell me when he's misbehaving and know I'll appreciate it? Will you be willing to drop off your own son when my boy can't stand another after school or weekend day without a friend over? Will I, over the course of a week, potentially see you at Bible study, a school activity, and girl's night out in addition to when our sons are getting together? And, seriously, will you plan a birthday cruise and actually invite me along, all while keeping the expenses under $500?
And you, the first few ladies I meet in town that I really click with, will our husbands get along, too? Will our sons finish growing up together the way my other dear friends' sons spent the first half of their lives together? Will we come up with other cool excuses to get together, like game night?
Because, dear female friends, at various points in my life, I didn't even realize that I needed you, but I do. Desperately. And I have only lived in a few places where you've been right there. When I was young, I limited you to only a few who really knew me (and those I still hold dear). When I was a new mom, I clung to a lifeline of new moms as well. But Lexington is the only place I've built and been built into an entire network of friends.
I'll miss it deeply. And while I want to recreate it, I know it will be different again, too. But deep inside, I know that somehow it will work out, because this move was meant to be. It's just hard in the getting there.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Two very different parts of me
I have two kids, one girl and one boy. It probably goes without saying that I think they are both quite amazing, each in their own way. And they are both growing up much more quickly than I'd prefer.
It's funny, in a way, that our kids never really understand how much we love them until they have kids of their own. I mean, you think you get it. You think you're ready to become a parent. And then this tiny being is completely dependent upon you. And then, ever so slowly and yet seemingly all at once, that tiny baby is nearly grown, looking dead even into your own eyes. Or worse, rolling her eyes and thinking, Mom just doesn't get it at all. And you aren't so old that you don't remember feeling the same way (even if you were too chicken to roll your eyes at your own mother).
My mom told me that I would someday love my children more than my husband. I don't think that's true (sorry, Mom). I think there are just a lot of different kinds of love, and the love for my children is different than the love for my husband. My love for each of them is even different, but that doesn't make one any more or less than the other. My love for my children is much more protective, one that I would gladly give my own life for. I'd expect Darrell to do the same for each of them, but I'm not as sure that I would step in front of a bullet for him the way I know without a doubt I would do for either of my children. At the same time, my love for Darrell is more dependent, more a strength I lean upon. I am his partner in this life. As long as God lets us live on this earth, I'll be there for him and he'll be there for me long after our kids have gone their own ways.
My kids are very different. I'm happy that I have one girl and one boy, as it makes it much easier to not expect them to be the same. And I was one of those people that thought society made boys and girls different, but I'm hear to tell you, they are different from the very beginning. They are five and a half years apart in age. They aren't all that close to each other, although I pray that they grow closer in adulthood. They have separate interests, and separate friends. My daughter, as the older one, sees herself as an authority over little brother, and often echoes my orders and corrections to him.
They were born in two separate millennia. Our daughter began childhood with VHS tapes, Blue's Clues, and little interest in the one desktop computer in our home at the time. Our son began childhood with DVDs and moved quickly to streaming his favorite shows from Netflix or the Internet, Little Einsteins, and a love affair with all things computer and digital almost from the time he could walk and talk. The world had already changed a lot in those five and a half years.
Our daughter learned to count to 18 by 18 months old, tie her shoes and braid her own hair at three, and read and start Kindergarten at four, and has the most beautiful handwriting I've seen. Our son learned to walk by 10 months, still walks around with at least one shoe untied most of the time, only agreed to learn to read so that he could get his driver's license someday, and sometimes misses words on spelling tests because the teacher can't decipher the letters. And yet, I strongly suspect that he is just as intelligent as big sis. When he describes the way something works, something he wants to invent, or how he understands multiplying by fractions or doing other math problems in his head, I can't even follow it.
Our daughter spent several years that she remembers as the only child. She has a strong sense of self and what she wants from this life. She is independent, not afraid to ask questions and challenge other's thoughts and actions, and she is beautiful. Our son is cuddly, very sensitive, and extremely empathetic, although part of me wonders if that is partly to get comfort and good things in his life. He's been a charmer all along. He's the one who has so easily made me sympathetic of the younger sibling (and made me feel sorry for how I sometimes treated my own little sister). He's my cute little blondie, my proof that I have some natural blond hair in there somewhere.
I'm not much of a baby person, never really comfortable with any babies other than my own two when they were small. But I do get a little nostalgic when I see newborns. I didn't have tiny babies, surely my own genetic fault since Darrell was born under six pounds while I was a nine-pound giant. Hunter gained two pounds over birth weight by her two week check up and was sixteen pounds by three months old. Will weighed a little more at birth, but mostly because he was so tall, even then. When little, they were each always mistaken for older kids. A cousin accused Will of lying about his age, and wouldn't even believe me.
I always feel blessed to be their mom. It's the one thing I've always been sure of. The one thing that devastated me most when Darrell was sick (after worrying about him staying alive) was the possibility that we might not be able to have kids. When asked in various job interviews what my greatest accomplishment is, I unhesitatingly say my kids. I know that's not what they are looking for, but it will always be my honest answer. Have they each done things that disappoint me, and will they in the future? Yes, and I'm sure. But they have done so many other things that have made tears come to my eyes in pride. Each have gotten compliments from teachers, friends, etc. Each has worked hard for something she or he wanted, and amazed me in the doing of it.
And if all I teach each of them is to love God, be honest, and work hard, I will consider them my greatest blessing, and motherhood the hardest job I ever truly loved.
It's funny, in a way, that our kids never really understand how much we love them until they have kids of their own. I mean, you think you get it. You think you're ready to become a parent. And then this tiny being is completely dependent upon you. And then, ever so slowly and yet seemingly all at once, that tiny baby is nearly grown, looking dead even into your own eyes. Or worse, rolling her eyes and thinking, Mom just doesn't get it at all. And you aren't so old that you don't remember feeling the same way (even if you were too chicken to roll your eyes at your own mother).
My mom told me that I would someday love my children more than my husband. I don't think that's true (sorry, Mom). I think there are just a lot of different kinds of love, and the love for my children is different than the love for my husband. My love for each of them is even different, but that doesn't make one any more or less than the other. My love for my children is much more protective, one that I would gladly give my own life for. I'd expect Darrell to do the same for each of them, but I'm not as sure that I would step in front of a bullet for him the way I know without a doubt I would do for either of my children. At the same time, my love for Darrell is more dependent, more a strength I lean upon. I am his partner in this life. As long as God lets us live on this earth, I'll be there for him and he'll be there for me long after our kids have gone their own ways.
My kids are very different. I'm happy that I have one girl and one boy, as it makes it much easier to not expect them to be the same. And I was one of those people that thought society made boys and girls different, but I'm hear to tell you, they are different from the very beginning. They are five and a half years apart in age. They aren't all that close to each other, although I pray that they grow closer in adulthood. They have separate interests, and separate friends. My daughter, as the older one, sees herself as an authority over little brother, and often echoes my orders and corrections to him.
They were born in two separate millennia. Our daughter began childhood with VHS tapes, Blue's Clues, and little interest in the one desktop computer in our home at the time. Our son began childhood with DVDs and moved quickly to streaming his favorite shows from Netflix or the Internet, Little Einsteins, and a love affair with all things computer and digital almost from the time he could walk and talk. The world had already changed a lot in those five and a half years.
Our daughter learned to count to 18 by 18 months old, tie her shoes and braid her own hair at three, and read and start Kindergarten at four, and has the most beautiful handwriting I've seen. Our son learned to walk by 10 months, still walks around with at least one shoe untied most of the time, only agreed to learn to read so that he could get his driver's license someday, and sometimes misses words on spelling tests because the teacher can't decipher the letters. And yet, I strongly suspect that he is just as intelligent as big sis. When he describes the way something works, something he wants to invent, or how he understands multiplying by fractions or doing other math problems in his head, I can't even follow it.
Our daughter spent several years that she remembers as the only child. She has a strong sense of self and what she wants from this life. She is independent, not afraid to ask questions and challenge other's thoughts and actions, and she is beautiful. Our son is cuddly, very sensitive, and extremely empathetic, although part of me wonders if that is partly to get comfort and good things in his life. He's been a charmer all along. He's the one who has so easily made me sympathetic of the younger sibling (and made me feel sorry for how I sometimes treated my own little sister). He's my cute little blondie, my proof that I have some natural blond hair in there somewhere.
I'm not much of a baby person, never really comfortable with any babies other than my own two when they were small. But I do get a little nostalgic when I see newborns. I didn't have tiny babies, surely my own genetic fault since Darrell was born under six pounds while I was a nine-pound giant. Hunter gained two pounds over birth weight by her two week check up and was sixteen pounds by three months old. Will weighed a little more at birth, but mostly because he was so tall, even then. When little, they were each always mistaken for older kids. A cousin accused Will of lying about his age, and wouldn't even believe me.
I always feel blessed to be their mom. It's the one thing I've always been sure of. The one thing that devastated me most when Darrell was sick (after worrying about him staying alive) was the possibility that we might not be able to have kids. When asked in various job interviews what my greatest accomplishment is, I unhesitatingly say my kids. I know that's not what they are looking for, but it will always be my honest answer. Have they each done things that disappoint me, and will they in the future? Yes, and I'm sure. But they have done so many other things that have made tears come to my eyes in pride. Each have gotten compliments from teachers, friends, etc. Each has worked hard for something she or he wanted, and amazed me in the doing of it.
And if all I teach each of them is to love God, be honest, and work hard, I will consider them my greatest blessing, and motherhood the hardest job I ever truly loved.
Friday, April 26, 2013
It's been a looooonnnnnnggggggggg week!
So far, the only bad decision it seems like we've made with this whole move is our choice of where the kids and I should stay until they finish school. We chose the $1,200 a month extended stay efficiency apartment rather than the over $2,000 a month one-bedroom apartment. I have a little trouble not resenting Darrell's stay in a 3 bedroom condo. The only benefit is that I get to sleep on a real bed, and work in a real chair at a real desk (since I'm working from "home" for now), while he sleeps on an air mattress and sits at a folding chair at a card table.
First, the room does seem clean, and the few times I've called them to clean something better, the staff here has been very responsive. But, I guess they didn't get the memo that smoke rises. The smoking floor is on the first floor. We're on the third floor, but walking up and down the stairwells reeks of smoke, and even our clothes are starting to very slightly smell of stale smoke. For a person who has never let a cigarette touch her lips and has mild asthma, this is a pretty big annoyance, and one I wish I'd noticed when I came to look at a room before we moved in.
Second, the typical clientele is not the same as the neighbors I am used to. A guy flirted with either myself or my daughter on our way in one night. As he appeared to be in his mid to late 20's, I was horrified either way. Either he was being totally inappropriate flirting with a teenage girl, or he was trying to get too friendly with an older woman, and neither seem good to me. Also, my car was hit sometime last night, and of course no one left a note, or reported it to the front desk. The damage isn't horrible, but it's Darrell's car (our newest), and he's pretty particular about it. He didn't seem as upset as I was when I called him about it this morning though.
And, there's "free" wireless internet, but the free version is extremely slow, and the "high speed" (read, livable for working and web surfing, but still not fast enough to stream Netflix for the kids) requires me to pay per device rather than sharing the higher speed over several computers, phones, and/or tablets. This means I've already paid twice ($60 total) just for this month.
We're also right along a major road, so goodbye heading right out the door to go for a nice run or walk. I miss our kitties and Lexi, too. I try to get over to run with Lexi a few times a week, but I miss having her right here with us and the convenience of heading out with her at the spur of the moment when I can just fit in a quick run.
And yet, I know these are such minor problems in the grand scheme of things. Most of what I will think of when I think back on this time is how smoothly every step of this move has gone. From selling our house in just a few weeks, to missing out on one house in Indy so that we could buy a better one instead, to finding and starting a new job in my field before the kids and I even get up there, to getting to spend a little extra time with friends here because we aren't moving up until the end of the school year... It's just all fallen into place so well.
Four more weeks. I can live in this place for that long. All over the world, most people make do with much less. And even if we have to cover $1,000 worth of damage to Darrell's car (our deductible), my next paycheck with be more than that, and isn't currently needed for anything else. It's a great feeling to have the relief of knowing that God has been watching out for us, of knowing that bad things will still happen, yes, but that we can get through them.
I just want my hubby back more than just weekends. Home is wherever we are all four together, and I can't wait until that happens in four weeks! In the meantime, today is Friday. Darrell will be on his way to us soon, and we have the weekend to spend together.
First, the room does seem clean, and the few times I've called them to clean something better, the staff here has been very responsive. But, I guess they didn't get the memo that smoke rises. The smoking floor is on the first floor. We're on the third floor, but walking up and down the stairwells reeks of smoke, and even our clothes are starting to very slightly smell of stale smoke. For a person who has never let a cigarette touch her lips and has mild asthma, this is a pretty big annoyance, and one I wish I'd noticed when I came to look at a room before we moved in.
Second, the typical clientele is not the same as the neighbors I am used to. A guy flirted with either myself or my daughter on our way in one night. As he appeared to be in his mid to late 20's, I was horrified either way. Either he was being totally inappropriate flirting with a teenage girl, or he was trying to get too friendly with an older woman, and neither seem good to me. Also, my car was hit sometime last night, and of course no one left a note, or reported it to the front desk. The damage isn't horrible, but it's Darrell's car (our newest), and he's pretty particular about it. He didn't seem as upset as I was when I called him about it this morning though.
And, there's "free" wireless internet, but the free version is extremely slow, and the "high speed" (read, livable for working and web surfing, but still not fast enough to stream Netflix for the kids) requires me to pay per device rather than sharing the higher speed over several computers, phones, and/or tablets. This means I've already paid twice ($60 total) just for this month.
We're also right along a major road, so goodbye heading right out the door to go for a nice run or walk. I miss our kitties and Lexi, too. I try to get over to run with Lexi a few times a week, but I miss having her right here with us and the convenience of heading out with her at the spur of the moment when I can just fit in a quick run.
And yet, I know these are such minor problems in the grand scheme of things. Most of what I will think of when I think back on this time is how smoothly every step of this move has gone. From selling our house in just a few weeks, to missing out on one house in Indy so that we could buy a better one instead, to finding and starting a new job in my field before the kids and I even get up there, to getting to spend a little extra time with friends here because we aren't moving up until the end of the school year... It's just all fallen into place so well.
Four more weeks. I can live in this place for that long. All over the world, most people make do with much less. And even if we have to cover $1,000 worth of damage to Darrell's car (our deductible), my next paycheck with be more than that, and isn't currently needed for anything else. It's a great feeling to have the relief of knowing that God has been watching out for us, of knowing that bad things will still happen, yes, but that we can get through them.
I just want my hubby back more than just weekends. Home is wherever we are all four together, and I can't wait until that happens in four weeks! In the meantime, today is Friday. Darrell will be on his way to us soon, and we have the weekend to spend together.
Friday, April 5, 2013
In WAY Over My Head
What should you do if your son has in-patient surgery on April 1st and you accept a new job to start on April 15th, even agreeing to drive several hours away for a meeting a few days before you officially start said job? Have movers arrive to pack up your house on April 6th, of course!
I had this funny feeling that it might not be a good idea to agree to close on our house in Lexington on April 10th way back when we received such a great offer on it. But, my realtor convinced me that we shouldn't push them to extend past that. Of course I can get my boy healed up in time to move by then. No problem. Of course I can get him through surgery all alone with Darrell in a different state. No problem. Of course I can accept a job offer in the midst of all that. And really, what's a little 40 hours a week of work from home before the kids and I even move going to hurt?
Would someone please tell me, WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING WHEN I AGREED TO ANY OF THIS???
Oh, yeah, and I came down with a cold on top of it all. Granted, it hasn't turned into anything more than a cough half of the night, irritate my asthma, sniffly, sneezy mess, but still...
I've managed to get through the first half of all of this only because my amazing parents came to stay the week of my son's surgery, doing everything from my laundry to returning my cable TV boxes, to treating us to dinner, to relieving me at the hospital. And it's also really helped to have several awesome family members and friends checking on us often; visiting, sending an awesome balloon and treat basket, making cards for, and praying for my son; and just letting me know they are there if needed.
My little guy had a bit of a set-back today, but this evening he's right back to feeling well. And my other knight in shining armor got home earlier than normal. Yes, Darrell may have helped get me into this mess, but as soon as he is near me, I feel a lot safer and like I'm not on my own with all of this craziness. He's the one who has assured me that even if it's not all done, it will work out. He's the one who has told me that if my new job doesn't work out, just quit. And he's the one just as responsible for the lives of our two children as I am. Thank goodness I have someone to share this responsibility with, and thank goodness we won't be living separately much longer.
And, thank God for it all. I'm reminded as I look around at all the stuff we've accumulated over the years, I can easily get by on the small fraction we've packed up to last us the next six weeks. Most people in the world get by on less than that every day of their lives. We are blessed beyond measure, and thank God for it all!
I had this funny feeling that it might not be a good idea to agree to close on our house in Lexington on April 10th way back when we received such a great offer on it. But, my realtor convinced me that we shouldn't push them to extend past that. Of course I can get my boy healed up in time to move by then. No problem. Of course I can get him through surgery all alone with Darrell in a different state. No problem. Of course I can accept a job offer in the midst of all that. And really, what's a little 40 hours a week of work from home before the kids and I even move going to hurt?
Would someone please tell me, WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING WHEN I AGREED TO ANY OF THIS???
Oh, yeah, and I came down with a cold on top of it all. Granted, it hasn't turned into anything more than a cough half of the night, irritate my asthma, sniffly, sneezy mess, but still...
I've managed to get through the first half of all of this only because my amazing parents came to stay the week of my son's surgery, doing everything from my laundry to returning my cable TV boxes, to treating us to dinner, to relieving me at the hospital. And it's also really helped to have several awesome family members and friends checking on us often; visiting, sending an awesome balloon and treat basket, making cards for, and praying for my son; and just letting me know they are there if needed.
My little guy had a bit of a set-back today, but this evening he's right back to feeling well. And my other knight in shining armor got home earlier than normal. Yes, Darrell may have helped get me into this mess, but as soon as he is near me, I feel a lot safer and like I'm not on my own with all of this craziness. He's the one who has assured me that even if it's not all done, it will work out. He's the one who has told me that if my new job doesn't work out, just quit. And he's the one just as responsible for the lives of our two children as I am. Thank goodness I have someone to share this responsibility with, and thank goodness we won't be living separately much longer.
And, thank God for it all. I'm reminded as I look around at all the stuff we've accumulated over the years, I can easily get by on the small fraction we've packed up to last us the next six weeks. Most people in the world get by on less than that every day of their lives. We are blessed beyond measure, and thank God for it all!
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