I credit Darrell with teaching me to argue, and without meaning to, teaching me to stand up for what I believe in. In a strange turn of events, I am now the one who is better at demanding good service from companies we do business with. I am not mean, but firm. I remember a co-worker hearing me deal with an issue from the office once, and she was shocked that I could be like that, because she'd never heard the firm, insistent Jennifer.
When I was first testing my wings with this new and improved Jennifer who stands up for what is right for herself and for others, way back at my first professional job, a situation arose. Through overhearing office gossip, I found out that coworkers in another department with the same job function and title were getting paid quite a bit more than those of us in my department. Just a few years before, I'm quite sure I would have just kept my mouth shut, and stewed in my own juices about it. Instead, I brought it to the attention of the Vice President of my department. I wasn't really even demanding about it, and I don't think I would have said anything even then if it hadn't affected several other people besides myself. Within a few weeks, five of us got significant raises to bring salaries in line with the other group. To my knowledge, I was the only one who brought up this disparity in pay, even though others realized it. Despite my fear, I was never treated poorly after. In fact, I think I earned respect by standing up for myself and my coworkers. At least, I like to think so.
I don't have regrets about my past. My experiences and decisions brought me to the life I have now, the life I love. When I think back to the 18-year-old girl just graduating high school with so many ambitious dreams, I know that I've accomplished them. I quite honestly have everything I ever wanted. From 40 on, it's just icing on the cake, and it's a pretty tasty cake. Sure, I have bad days. Sure, I'd like to move all my family and friends to my neighborhood. Sure, I know I could lose it all, or at least lose someone significant in my life, at any time. But overall, life is sweet.
But, if there is one thing I'd go back and change about myself, it would be that I would have always stood up for what is right. I would go back and have the tough conversations. I'd go back and try to stop the bullies from picking on kids in my grade school. I'd go back and talk to the school administration about things that weren't handled well. I'd make my voice heard, because I would know there were others just like me that were afraid to speak up, so I would speak up for them.
I've had a few weeks of difficult conversations. A few weeks of standing up for things that I believe are right for both myself and my daughter. It hasn't been easy. I'm admittedly more hurt when my children aren't treated fairly than when I'm not. I'm even a little worn out from it. Right now, it even seems like little or nothing will be done, for us at least, resulting from these tough conversations. But I have learned that it is still important to speak up. Things may not change today based on matters I raise, but if I speak up now, policies might change for those who come after. I have several examples from past experience of things getting better for others that followed after me, even if I didn't get to experience the benefit personally. I speak up so that even if it doesn't help my daughter, it might help your younger daughter five years from now. I speak up because I used to be afraid. I speak up for the people that can't. And, I hope I learn to do it better, to speak up for other important issues that I just stay out of now while I'm so busy supporting and raising my family.
So, I'll leave you with one final thought. Learn to speak up for what you believe in, but make sure you don't learn it so well that you forget how to listen. That's the lesson I am trying to make sure I learn myself.
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