Talk with them a lot. And then talk with them more.

I hesitate to give advice on anything related to raising kids for two big reasons:

1. I've found way too many parenting books, columns, etc. that give conflicting advice.  The main thing I've learned from this is that different tactics work for different families AND kids are not as predictable as we'd like to think.
2. My kids aren't grown yet.  While I doubt that either of my two are going to end up in jail or anything even more drastic, I suspect I have some rebellious years ahead of me.  And I estimate that a good amount of what they turn out to be has little to do with me anyway.  Sure, what Darrell and I do can help make them better or worse, but there are innate qualities they have that I can't take credit for.  Kids from good families can go astray.  Kids from bad families can turn out great.

But, I'm going to go out on a limb on this one.  Talk to your kids - often and openly.  And I am saying this as much to remind myself as to give advice to anyone else.

I was a quiet kid, and still tend to be fairly quiet and need some alone time to function well.  I was so sure that I would have at least one quiet child.  Nope.  I have the kids unafraid to ask for help finding something in a store, unafraid to read aloud in front of their entire class, unafraid to challenge what their own mom and dad say even.  I have the kids with voices that "carry" sometimes in school.  The ones I get asked about their hearing, because they talk loud.  Now, mind you, they get great behvior reports in school, because they don't talk at inappropriate times, they are just plain louder than average when they do talk (which at home seems to be ALL THE TIME).

And they don't seem to mind carrying on two entirely separate conversations with me in the car.  Yes, there are many times when I get to discuss my daughter's friend's latest boyfriend while I also carry on a conversation about Minecraft.  All while they talk over each other and expect frequent input from me.  Do you know how difficult that is for someone who definitely leans towards the introverted side?

But, I try.  I tell my kids they can come to us with anything.  They know they might as well fess up if they've done something wrong because the consequences are SO much higher if they lie.  I handled the birds and the bees discussion with my son, even though I swore it was Darrell's turn with him, because I answered when he asked. 

Have I had to hide in the bathroom on occasion for alone time?  What mom hasn't?  Have I been known to ask (possibly too loudly) them to JUST BE QUIET for a bit?  Sure.  Is my daughter's tendency to talk back in part due to my encouragement to speak her mind?  Perhaps.

I also think lots of family talk and discussion promotes things like a good vocabulary and general intelligence.  They learn things from us.  They learn to be inquisitive and question the world around them.

And let them see you interacting with other adults.  My kids have seen Darrell and I argue.  They've also seen us apologize to each other, kiss, and make up.  We've each apologized to them from time to time as well.  And my kids see that I have a life outside my family.  They see me work, they see me with other friends.

So, we talk.  And talk, and talk...  And I hope that means something to them someday.