What I would tell (late) middle school Jennifer
She looked something like this:
Dear 14-year-old Jennifer,
See, I was right about the friends. Aren't you glad you have a few good friends now?
Oh, but you're not happy with just the few friends, huh, when everyone else around you seems to have a boyfriend now. And boys just aren't interested in you, other than perhaps a little homework help or attempts to copy in class. First, remember that back in 5th grade, you had a few interested boys that you avoided because you weren't interested in a boyfriend then. And in a few short years, you've gone from the nearly friendless girl walking around alone on the playground to being a student council member, track runner, band member, head of the class kid who almost everyone in your little middle school knows. You have real friends to eat lunch with. You even had the courage to run for a student council office! Forget that you lost (by a landslide according to one not-so-kind "friend" who was willing to point that out to you since she was there when they counted votes). You had the courage to try! By the time you are an adult, you won't even remember who you lost that election to, but you will remember that you got up in front of the entire school to give a speech, even though you were scared to death to do it.
I know you look in the mirror and see a flat-chested girl. I know the only reason you even know what sex is is due to what you overhear at school. I know you still wonder why you aren't invited to sleepovers and parties. I know you don't understand why your parents won't let you attend school dances. I know you usually just wish you could hide your acne-riddled face in the sand, especially when a random boy has the nerve to tease you about your acne, as if you aren't already doing everything you can about it. If your mom hasn't already, she will take you to a dermatologist soon. I wish I could tell you that will make the acne go away. It won't. Nothing really will except age for you. The blessing is, despite the acne, you have good skin. You won't end up with a scarred face. And as tough as it seems to believe right now, one day you will be grateful, because you will believe that having such bad acne as a teen has made you a more resilient adult than you would have been otherwise.
I know you look at pictures of yourself and think you aren't pretty at all. I know you even hear a group of boys saying that your mom is prettier than you are, and feel crushed. But one day you will be glad that your mom and grandmother are so pretty. Guess what, little girl (yes, you are still a little girl right now!)? You have your mom and grandmother's genes. Yes, your face may be shaped more like your father's, but one day you will realize two things: 1. You've aged well. 2. Inside beauty is more important, and it shows through to the outside. And the only thing you will hope then is that your daughter feels better about herself at a young age than you did. And you will smile every time you see a picture of her that reminds you of your young mom.
Besides, through ages 15 and 16, you will finally have a few boyfriends. And you will realize that isn't such a big deal as it seemed. Nothing is so wrong with you that you won't attract boys. It really isn't what you should be concentrating on now anyway, as you will tell your own daughter someday. It will be much more important to your future that you are studying and making good grades. It will certainly be much more important to your future that you've become a Christian. Hold tight to your morals and standards a little longer, and throughout high school you won't even have to go through the peer pressure that many kids do. They won't even hand you the 7-11 cup filled with beer on the band bus, because they will know that's something Jennifer wouldn't do. Guys won't push you to have sex because of your reputation. Even if you aren't glad for that now, you will be someday. You will even look back and wonder if you would have made worse choices if the choices had been left up to you.
Movies and TV shows may make your teen years look like the best years of your life. Because of that, you may wonder why yours seem miserable much of the time. Those movies and TV shows are wrong. And even if they are right for some people, you will look back and be grateful that you weren't one of those people. The best days of your life still stretch out before you as an adult. And they will last longer than your teen years. I promise.
In the meantime, appreciate those few good friends. Learn about relationships from those boyfriends you do have later in high school. Keep studying and earning good grades. Love and appreciate your family now, because you won't always see them every day, every weekend, or even every holiday. Be good. Learn from your disappointments. You'll be glad for it all someday.
Love,
42-year-old Jennifer
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