What I'd tell my 18/19-year-old self
She looked something like this:
(Don't worry - only a few more years of big hair remain.)
She had a serious boyfriend again. And, she was going off to college, excited to go live on her own, but scared of meeting new people.
Dear 18-year-old Jennifer,
What a year your freshman year of college will be! I almost enjoyed it enough to go back and relive it with you. But, no, I think you can do this on your own.
You've now started a huge step in your goals. You are starting your college education, and you are determined to succeed. Even looking back 25 years later, I am proud of you. And that's saying something, because there are plenty of times I'm not proud of myself.
College is a challenge. You will quickly find that the classes are way harder than high school, but the good news is that Calculus isn't nearly as tough as those returning college kids made out when they visited your precalculus class last year. You will not fail.
Your school year is going to be book-ended by two big, life-changing decisions. Your parents and a few good friends will give you advice, but these are decisions that are yours to make. Don't feel bad about going the way you feel led. I can tell you now that you made the right decisions, even if it took a few years or more to know this about each of them.
If school has started, you are already suspecting the first. No, that really cute and very sweet boyfriend back home is not going to last. You will feel terrible about it for quite a while, especially since it is you doing the breaking up this time. But Darrell is the one. Should you have kissed him and hung out with him so much before you ended it with the boyfriend back home? No. But, don't be afraid of your feelings towards him either.
Test him all you want by claiming you're going to tell the boyfriend back home everything and stay with him. He'll be mean about it at first, but then he will be kind to you again. And you will finally realize that this Jersey boy who knows exactly what he wants in life, who is the most emotional, talkative, and truthful man you've ever met, and who treats you like you are the most beautiful girl on campus is exactly the one you want. He will challenge your thinking, be the first guy you've dated you know is more intelligent (in ways) than you, he will be faithful and loyal. He has no idea how to dress himself and will never fold clothes a day in his life. He can fix anything mechanical, and he thinks machines are easier to deal with than people. He won't respect women in general as much as you think he should, but he will respect you. He thinks you are the best woman he's ever met, and honestly, you know you're good with that. He will look at you, and it will feel like he's seeing straight to your soul. And 25 years from now, you will love him so much more than you can even imagine today.
So, say yes to him. He'll talk crazy talk like getting married before you graduate college. He won't be sure he wants to be a father. He's waited for you and you've waited for him. He's the one you are going to go through this life with, so don't be afraid. Jump in with both feet and don't look back. You will never completely understand him, but you will be there for each other in ways that no one else can.
See, wasn't that easy? Changing your college major will be a cake-walk compared to that. But it is also important and something you need to do. Your dad will get over you not becoming an engineer. You will find a career with a math degree even though you fear you won't. Besides, you can always tell people you were accepted into the electrical engineering program before Darrell was accepted into mechanical engineering. You'll get better grades and be happier. And even to this day, I absolutely can't imagine you working in engineering.
Oh, and the rest of freshman year? That's easy. You'll make a few more lifelong friends. You'll have memories that you'll cherish. You'll do a few stupid things, too, like almost giving up your best friend (don't!). But it will all work out. You'll see. Enjoy the ride. College won't be the best time in your life, but it will be better than high school, and you will have more free time than you ever will again.
If there's anything I'd change about the way you're going to live it, I'd say loosen up a little and come out of your shyness. But it's ok. It works out just fine the way you are!
Love, 42-year-old Jennifer
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