What makes us fall in love?

I watched a movie last night that really got me to wondering about what makes us fall in love in the first place.  And then, what (besides hard work and determination) keeps love going over years of marriage.

Darrell and I met so young that we didn't have time for many prior relationships or baggage going into our relationship.  I did have some dating experiences in high school that certainly helped shape what I was looking for in a man though.  I always found it much easier talking to boys that I didn't know well than striking up a conversation with similar girls.  I wasn't one of the pretty, popular girls.  I was a geek (not to be confused with a nerd, as I try to explain to my teenage daughter).  Perhaps worse, I was a band geek.  Oh, and I had a pretty bad case of acne all through high school, too.  But I also ran track and cross country.  Band and running put me into contact with boys who weren't in my classes, which was good, because the ones who copied off of me in class certainly weren't interested in asking me out. 

Luckily, I got to know some boys well enough and even started "dating" them before they found out how much higher my GPA was than theirs.  I'm not sure I was very nice, although I tried to be.  I broke up with boys for silly reasons.  And the one that I finally dated the longest broke my heart (as much as a 16-year-old's heart can be broken, which seemed extreme at the time but seems like nothing now).  But there were really only two guys I was ever attracted to enough to think I might spend the rest of my life with, and of course, one of them was Darrell.

I think of the little things that probably attracted me and still attract me to Darrell today, like his smell.  I've told him that I think I could identify him by smell alone, even though I can't describe what he smells like.  I do know that I find him less attractive when he eats too much garlic or works in the garage and comes in smelling like gasoline or chemicals.  Even after two decades plus together, I still sometimes smell his towel hanging in the bathroom, or pick up a t-shirt he wore to bed the night before just to smell it.  Is that weird?

There is touch, of course, and various kinds of touch.  I dated a boy once in high school who was not a good kisser.  That's why I asked Darrell to kiss me before I broke up with my boyfriend from home.  As silly as that sounds, it meant something, and still means something today.  That first kiss wasn't perfect (sorry, Darrell, to put all that pressure on you), but it was good and quickly improved to great.  I've already talked about Darrell's hugs and how awesome they are.  He's also very good with his hands.  He looks like a strong guy, but he's always done detail work on car models, electronics, etc., so he knows how to be gentler than many men, I suspect.

Strangely enough, I was looking for a man of a certain height, I think.  My father is a little over six feet tall, and that seemed to be what I was attracted to.  Yes, Darrell and my dad are within about an inch in height.  When we slow dance, hug, or snuggle, I fit right up against his shoulder.  When we stand and kiss, I have to stand on tip-toe as he bends his head down.  When we spoon in bed, his chin rests over my head and his feet are below mine - I feel completely protected. 

Intellectual traits mattered, too.  I wanted someone I could really talk to.  Darrell talks a lot more than most men I know.  He's also very intelligent.  He's the only guy I dated that I was sure was smarter than I was (not that there aren't plenty out there, but the book-smart guys at my high school were usually more popular or just plain not interested in me).  But, there are things that I do better and know better than he does also.  I like that we complement each other so well.  Oh, and if you know us both well and you're reading this, please don't tell Darrell that I said he's smarter than I am ; )

I think it's a combination of so many tiny things that make us fall in love.  It's like a puzzle, and the really lucky ones complete most or the entire puzzle by being together.  I feel like I'm one of the really lucky ones.