First Impressions

Possibly in part because I'm a woman, I'm typically a better judge of character during first impressions than Darrell is.  I've been totally wrong of course from time to time, but whether it is by intuition, a better understanding of body languages or emotions, or whatever else you'd like to call it, I can generally figure out a lot about a person the first time we meet.  It is probably good that Darrell isn't a good initial judge of character though, because he tends to show more loyalty or avoidance once he has made a decision about your character.  If he loves you, he is loyal for life.  If you cross him badly (and don't have a foundation of trust built), he will avoid you for the rest of his life, it seems.

In truth, we all may be better judges of character during first impressions than we give ourselves credit for.  Apparently, there have been studies over the past few decades to show that, at least on average, we do a good job.  I found this article about the subject particularly interesting.  But as the article mentions, even those who are good at judging during first impressions are sometimes wrong.

My best example of that personally is when I met Darrell.  We were in the same group at WVU honors program orientation back in the late summer of 1989.  I was the lone girl assigned to a group of total nerd guys, or so it seemed to me.  They all wore nerdy glasses and shorts and shirts that were completely out of style.  I've never been into name brands, but I at least understood keeping in style, say within the past 10 years, compared to these guys who appeared to be wearing what their fathers did a few decades before.  Now, there were normal guys in the honors program, I mean I had spotted them before and even started becoming friends with a fellow runner.  But these guys, oh my, if they were any indication of the guys I'd be living with on the same dorm floor over the next nine months, my boyfriend back home had nothing to worry about!

I couldn't tell you what Darrell even said to me that day.  I have no recollection of him other than that he was in fact in that group with me and what he was wearing (the image still burns in my memory, if I let it).  But I would have never called him cute that day.  However, just a few weeks later, I saw him passing a nerf football with some guys in the dorm hallway.  He was wearing normal jeans.  He looked good!  He was cute.  He wanted to help me with my homework.  And the rest is history (sorry, boyfriend back  home).

I'm not sure to this day if being a good judge of first impressions is a good skill.  It has served me well for things like interviews, which are really all about first impressions; and getting to know people, especially since I tend to be an introvert and feel better if I can "read" the situation and people involved.  But knowing that I'm sometimes very wrong about first impressions is helpful, too.  It reminds me that I shouldn't judge others, and that I should often give people more of a chance than I'm sometimes inclined to do.  After all, I believe there are times when I've been misjudged as well. 

But our tendency to judge others quickly makes some sense, because we probably all have examples of being right in the past.  And it's such a balancing act between using the cues we pick up to better understand the person and situation, but not using them to form lasting judgements.  I guess it's something I'm still working on.  How about you?

(I know some of you are still stuck on how I ever decided Darrell wasn't a nerd but was cute instead.  Well, the truth is, he is a nerd.  But he's my cute nerd.  In fact, at the time, he looked a lot like this famous nerd, pictured on the left.  Can you name him?)