Is career slowdown ok? (Part 2: YES!)

So, my part 2 post about career slowdown, the mommy track, or whatever you want to call it, was supposed to be all about what others think on this topic.  And, I did a good amount of research, thinking I would have lots to share with you.  But here's the problem:  I kept finding ways I disagree with the "experts", bloggers, and others.  I even get into arguments with myself on this subject, but at least I agree more with myself than with everyone else...

Yes, I'm a Type A-leaning control freak.  Yes, I'm a first born.  Yes, I'm secretly competitive (but as an introverted female, I've learned to hide that very well).  But, yes, my kids and husband will ALWAYS be more important than my career.  I want it all.  Maybe you do, too.  And you know what?  We can have it all.  Maybe not all the time, but as I grow more and more secure with myself into my 40s, I realize that it is all possible as long as you don't try too keep every single ball in the air.  I'm not a good juggler.  I've had to learn what isn't important to me and let those balls fall.  And that's ok.  I'm not PTA-leading-cookie-baking-playdate-leading-homeschooling-meet-my-kids'-every-needs-super-mom.  But I wouldn't be that even if I were a stay-at-home-mom.  I know, because I tried.

My kids and husband are first, but they can't be first if I don't do what is important to me.  And working a job that stretches my brain and capabilities, but doesn't force me to work way more than 40 hours a week is important to me.

My picture of what works is not the same as your picture of what works though.  And I will be the first to admit that I am blessed with choices many women don't have.  Even when I've earned the same as Darrell, mine has always been able to be the back-up job/career.  I am the one that can quit if she wants.  He's never really had that option.  Sure, that comes with trade-offs.  That means I am the one expected to find a more flexible job.  That means I am the one following along on the next move, and either asking to work from home for a current employer or finding a job in the new city.  I guess I could choose to resent all that.  But I choose to be grateful that I'm the one with the ability to walk right out the door if the going gets too tough.

And, honestly, society is still so much easier on the woman choosing the flexible path than the man (at least in my experience).  Darrell leaves a little early or goes in a little late to work when needed for the kids.  When he does, he's either applauded for being a hands-on dad or getting snide remarks about why he needs to do that since he's married (depending on the audience).  For me, it's much more ok.  It's not considered a wonderful thing I'm doing, but it's just still more common and accepted.  Of course the mom would rush out the door right at 5pm to get her kids to practice on time.  And of course after-school care would call the me if Darrell or I weren't there on time for some reason.  Maybe it won't always be like this, but today it still is.  I've just decided that we will take advantage of it as a family rather than try to fight it.

Have I passed up opportunities to climb the corporate ladder?  Yes.  Honestly, I've probably had more opportunities for upward career paths than Darrell has.  But when I start putting in too much time at work, I don't like what happens to my family.  So, I'd give up each of those opportunities all over again.  I like where I am right now.  I'm content.  And that is worth so much more than a fancy title or six-figure salary.

And if there's one thing I've learned, it's that things change over time.  I don't know where we'll be 10 years from now, hometown or career-wise.  But I'm happy with the choices we've made and the path we've been led down to this point.  I can only hope that all my friends out there are as happy and content, or can be someday.