It's no secret that I took a lower paying, not as high level job this time around. "Manager", "director", etc. is nowhere in my title for the first time in over 10 years. And the trade-off for a lower hourly pay-rate makes good sense (in case you don't remember, those are: 1. lower cost of living city; 2. flexible perks such as working from home regularly; 3. less stressful job in general; 4. regular pay.).
But you know me. Things get me wondering sometimes. Like a friend starting a new and seemingly exciting job... Like little instabilities at my company... Like knowing that my husband and I each really just make about the average pay for our chosen fields, and wondering if that's really ok... Like trying to better budget our money for things like giving, paying ahead on the mortgage, and saving for college for our kids, which always brings up the thought that all that would be easier if we just both earned more money (never mind the flip side that I don't want us to both have to work significantly harder for that additional money).
Sometimes it seems like life would be easier if one of us just really climbed that corporate ladder and earned twice as much. But when I think about some examples I have of that, it normally involves a lot less family time and a lot more stress, and I don't want that for either Darrell or myself.
There were times in my career when it looked like I could really excel. I'm book smart (or at least I was when I was young). I graduated summa cum laude with a mathematics degree and a statistics minor. At my first real job that required a college education, I was told by our CEO that I was the best project manager he'd ever employed (it was a small to mid-sized company). The typical track was to get your first promotion in two years, but I received it in one year. Fast-forward to my tenure at a printer manufacturer. I presented to board members, the CEO, and executive vice presidents (large corporation). I managed a large research budget (at least before lots of budget cutbacks came along). My manager said he wanted to recommend me for "the management track" (whatever that meant), and I received an unheard of 10%+ raise after my first year. But, each time, I fizzled out.
See, when the pressure gets to be too much, I just keep trying and trying. Working past midnight when necessary. Right up until it's just too much. And then I realize I'm taking too much from my family, and too much from myself. I either quit, step back, or look for another job. And, finally, this time, I really seem to have found a good balance. So, why, oh why do I still question it?
I mean, I know moms just starting back in their careers. I know plenty of women who would be beyond grateful to have my job and paycheck. So, yes, thanks for letting me work this issue out with you. Maybe I can remember again to be grateful, to do a good job for a company, while keeping my priorities straight with God and my family as well, and leave it at that. I hope so!
(But, I have a little Part 2 coming up on this topic as well, so stay tuned!)
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