Darrell is far from perfect, and if you catch me in the right mood, I might even launch into a discourse about his many faults. But if I look back through our history together, one thing has always been true - I've always respected him. And I think that would be the toughest thing to replace if he lost my respect.
I would even argue that men typically crave respect in the relationship more than women do. Many of our early arguments centered around Darrell thinking I didn't respect him, that I wasn't listening to him because I was doing things exactly the way I wanted regardless of what he thought. What can I say, he married an independent, strong-willed woman.
But even then I had a very strong respect for my new husband. I dated only guys who were a lot taller than I - I think I wanted to feel small and protected by them. In high school, I also had to basically pretend to be a little air-headed to get a date at all. Any guys who found out that I made much better grades than they did seemed to quickly dismiss me. So, I learned to play the part, and it even got me a few decent boyfriends in high school (and yes, even a few who didn't seem intimidated by my good grades after all).
In college, suddenly I lived on a floor full of guys who were very nearly all more intelligent than I. I like to joke (although I'm fairly sure it's also true), that I was one of the dumbest ones in my college's honors program. And a funny thing happens with really smart guys - many of them aren't very relationship savvy. So, maybe I had just about the lowest SAT scores possible to get my scholarship and be in the honors program, but I was downright experienced in relationships compared to many of these guys (yes, Darrell included). But, their intelligence also was something I respected a heck of a lot more than the athletes and cute but not so smart guys I'd grown up with. (Full disclosure: I did go to school with some intelligent guys. They just typically had absolutely no interest in me.)
Enter Darrell. This guy knew where he wanted to go in life. He knew exactly what he wanted to be, he knew he wanted a good wife, he was a lot taller than I am, he had better SAT scores (but just a little!), and HE WANTED ME!
I may not want you to tell him, depending on how things are going at that particular moment, but I've always looked up to him (and not just because he's tall!). I've never really known what I want to be when I grow up. I've always felt just a little inferior to the REALLY smart people. He survived cancer, all while worrying as much about me while fighting for his life. And I could only strive to be and try to learn to be as loyal as he has just always been. Darrell is better at the things I'm not as good at. We complement each other in ways I must have subconsciously expected, but have learned more about as we've grown together.
I typically wouldn't recommend a couple getting married when they're only 20 and 21. We were still KIDS, for goodness sake! But it works for us. Why? I think it has a lot to do with respect. (Well, that, and we were both pretty much born responsible.) I have always respected him, and he respects me as well. We want the best for each other. And we try to be the best version of ourselves for each other. We're a team, and that's what a good marriage was meant to be.
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