Lead me...

A year or so ago, I was listening to a new song on KLove radio called "Lead Me" as I pulled into the grocery store parking lot.  It seemed to be talking directly to me, only at first, I had the message all wrong.  My first thought was, "Yeah, Darrell doesn't really lead our household."  But by the end of the song, I realized that what is really true is I don't let him lead.  Letting someone else lead me in any way is something I've always struggled with, but something I've really been working on ever since then.

I know what the Bible says on the subject:  "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.  Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church...  Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.  ... Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."  (Select verses from Ephisians 5:21-33, NIV)

I have also learned over many years of marriage that one of the things my husband values most from me is respect.  I don't always have to take his advice, but he wants to know that I am listening to it and respect his opinion.  He wants to know that I value his ability to do things at work, around the house, etc.  He is a hard worker, and wants to know that I notice it.  We've had many arguments because he thought that I thought he wasn't doing enough.  What we finally realized is that I do believe he is a hard worker, but he just often doesn't choose the projects that I want done.

I also know that any working group of people needs a good leader.  Now, I also believe that a good leader takes everyone else in the group into consideration, and values their opinions as much as his own.  A good leader respects those he is leading.

I look up to my husband more than any other man I've ever met.  I think that's part of why I married him.  If I'm going to let anyone lead me, it's him, but still I struggle with it.  I'm independent.  I like being in control.  And yet, he's a good leader, when I let him be.  He sometimes gets to make the final decision on important issues in our family, because he is the head of the household, and I'm learning to be ok with that.

Being the head of the household doesn't mean that you are in control of every household issue.  I make a lot of decisions for our family, and have input on by far most of them.  Being head of the household doesn't mean that you have to be the primary wage earner.  Darrell reminds me sometimes that he'd be fine if I started making so much money that he'd need to stay home - he has lots of hobbies he'd love to pursue.  But I do believe that the husband was meant to be the head of the household.  I think it's just tough to interpret exactly what that looks like in different households.

So, good luck to me as I continue to figure it out.  And good luck to you if you are working through this like I am.